PARENTAL MESSAGES

I have referred earlier to parental ‘messages.’ These are your reactions, expressions, and behavior in response to your child. They could be influenced by the way your own parents treated you, or they could be spontaneous, varying with your moods., it is important to remember that the child cannot understand inconsistencies in the messages you give him. He can only understand that a specific behavior had your approval or disapproval. Some parents make hurtful remarks about their child. “Ever since he was born, we have had lots of trouble.” “Look at that monkey-face. I do not know from where he got it.” One mother said very casually that her daughter was ugly like her in-laws. A neighbor’s child, about three years old, once come to me with her face heavily powdered. I asked her why she had put so much talcum powder on her face. She said, “I am black.” She was so young that she had not yet learnt the words ‘fair’ or ‘dark’. I told her that black was as good as any other color. But, she was not convinced because of the negative messages she bad received.