MANAGING PROBLEM BEHAVIOR

You are quite unlikely to meet a parent who has not got worked up about his child’s behavior at some time or the other. The term ‘problem behavior’ is used not for occasional outbursts but for more enduring behavior patterns. There is a widespread assumption that children are what they are, good or naughty, shy or sociable, friendly or aggressive, largely because of the way their parents bring them up. Parenting according to this thinking is something that is done to the child and the child himself is a more or less passive recipient of his upbringing. This is not always so. A parent of more than one child soon becomes aware that the same family background produces children who are very different from one another. It is the individuality of children that forces parents to react to each child in a unique and special way. From birth, children influence their parents’ behavior as much as parents influence theirs. And that is why what works for one child rarely works for the other.

THE GIFTED CHILD

A gifted child in the family is a great joy and may be born in any family: rich or poor, urban or rural, educated or illiterate. In some children, mental abilities are just above average but there are special abilities or aptitude-unlearned abilities which become apparent very early in life aptitudes can be mechanical, musical, literary, numerical and artistic. The child with a special aptitude for something takes to that activity like a fish to water. Any small opportunity is enough for its expression and the picks up the skills quickly and effortlessly. Another type of giftedness is superior mental ability or intelligence. Such a child needs as much or even a little more attention than the normal child. He can grasp everything very easily and is always on the look out for new things. His mental ability needs to be nurtured. Directed and encouraged It is a great responsibility for parents to provide optimum opportunities and training to a gifted child. It is a pity that we do not have proper schools for the gifted. Almost all schools are geared for average children, and there are schools for all kinds of deprived children. Gifted children often have to fend for themselves. Sometimes they are neglected as parents and teachers assume that they don’t need any help. Gifted children require challenging tasks and schools rarely provide them. So schoolwork becomes boring. By not encouraging his initiative and abilities you may destroy the child’s desire to excel. He may become satisfied with just ‘getting on’. Due to lack of economic support, many gifted children never achieve their full potential. Superior intelligence is not enough to gain recognition and achieve success.

THE MENTALLY RETARDED CHILD

Along with many normal children, there are some who are not so lucky and who cannot cope with the demands of a regular school. They just do not have the basic capacities to learn. And it can be a terrible shock to most parents. The parents’ first reaction is ‘why did this happen to us’. Initially they do not want to believe, and there is a fruitless search for reassurance from doctors and psychologists. But ultimately, facts have to be faced and reality accepted. Today there are many avenues open to parents of a mentally retarded child. If he is borderline, he could be placed in a class two rungs below his chronological age. But if he is ineducable in a regular school, he could still be trained to learn some simple jobs which do not require any thinking or decision-making. The sooner the parents identify the child’s weakness the better it id for the child, and the family. Before putting the child in a special school for mentally retarded children, parents should check that other inmates are of similar caliber and not lower than their child’s level. Sometimes such children have special gifts which can be identified. One boy, for example, became a drummer, another had a knack with animals and a third became a good handyman in a shop. It is difficult but many parents do manage to rehabilitate their mentally deprived child. They also need to train the child to protect himself from antisocial groups who are often looking out for such children for their illegal activities. If there is also a normal child in the family, parents should be careful not to neglect the normal child.

SOME USEFUL SUGGESTIONS FOR OLDER CHILDREN

(1) In dealing with numbers, a child is often unable to see why there should be so much accuracy and how it matters. Show a ten year old some of your accounts and explain how an error in subtraction or addition could create problems for you. Or take your child shopping. Let him see how buying a bigger packet is more economical than buying four small packets of the same product when you need a large quantity anyway. You can ask your child to check which advertisement offer on television is the most attractive make him aware that numbers are an important dimension of everyday life.

(2) For language comprehension, always speak clearly and effectively to a child from infancy. Avoid using babyish words and incorrect grammar. When a child asks for the meaning of a word, train him to use a dictionary. This way he will learn to use words correctly instead of carelessly.

(3) At the dinner table talk about matters in which the child is interested. Praise him for his successes and share his anxieties or troubles. Talk to him about family affairs. The main idea is to encourage the child to talk freely.

MENTAL DEVELOPMENT AND MENTAL HEALTH

Mental capacities grow not just by identifying various talents and encouraging their expression. Intelligence grows along with emotional maturity. Your attitudes towards the mental abilities of your child is important. They can help to build a healthy approach to learning. Some simple ways to help your child:

(1) Don’t expect the child to possess the same amount or same type of intelligence as his classmates or siblings. Don’t force him to try to live up to your expectations, or to develop abilities he does not
possess.

(2) understand that all children cannot do equally well at all subjects. Even the brightest youngster may not be a good all-round student. Don’t make your child feel that he is a disgrace to the family. If he gets low marks in a subject which he does not like, encourage him to try harder and give him credit for trying, whatever the outcome.

(3) Don’t confuse mental ability with school performance. A child may have poor verbal comprehension or poor word fluency, factors which are necessary for academic success. He may possess high ability for other skills which are not a part of school performance. Don’t label a child as ‘smart’ or ‘dumb’ on the basis of his ability in one or two areas.